The Millennial Homemaker

The musings of a Stay at Home Mom

Reflections from the Sky

on November 25, 2015

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Today was the day. We had bought the tickets over two months ago. The clock was ticking down. The bags were packed and in the car.

It has been beautiful weather in Phoenix for the past week or so. 70 something degrees and absolutely glorious. My family and I have braved through 18 summers in the desert of Arizona so we can enjoy the blissful 6-7 months of glorious.

Even in the midst of bliss, change must be in order from time to time.

We need to appreciate what we have.

So, here I sit, on a plane from Phoenix to Dallas, and eventually will be on a flight from Dallas to Charlotte. Our family is embarking on a family vacation (and mini business trip).

It’s our first “big” vacation since March 2013. On our last trip my mom went with us. Now, she is no longer here. She is in heaven flying around with all of the other angels, gabbing and singing. I’m sure of it. She longed for heaven.

I am six or seven miles closer to her right now, but every bone in my body longs to see her. I know she is looking out for us. We are going somewhere that has more family and friends.

We long to love, and to be loved.

We need our emotional tanks recharged.

2015 has been quite the year for my family. From a marriage crisis in January, to losing our Papa to cancer in March, to learning about more friends and family who are suffering physically and emotionally this past summer, it’s easy to bury my head in the sand and wish for another life.

Truth is, 95% of this life is peaceful. It’s that 5% that has rocked my world, through unforeseen events such as deaths, health issues, spiritual challenges, and just wear and tear on the body.

Last year when I was experiencing panic attacks and horrible anxiety I never thought I would get to a place of healing. Honestly, I thought I was destined for a lifelong trauma of emotional and mental illness.

Through many months of struggle, which included medications, counseling, prayer, self help books and more prayer, I noticed that I could emotionally breathe again. At least I could breathe on most days.

So, this flight today is a test. It’s a test to know that I can overcome anxiety. Through the grace of God (and some help with a beta blocker and anti-anxiety pill) I am staying in my seat. I am listening to my Calm.com app. There’s nothing like the loud rush of water blasting through two ear buds to keep my mind in the present moment.

I know there will be more tests in the future. The key to finding peace in the storm is to face that storm. Head for the eye of the storm and then rise above it. It’s not easy to face the challenges.

Silly me. Waiting at the gate I shed a tear and feel sweaty and display cold hands over something that I cannot control.

I keep telling myself that I am not in control. Not at all. Everything I do. Everywhere I go. Everybody I meet. Everything I eat.

I DO NOT HAVE CONTROL OVER THESE THINGS.

Yet, I know that my faith in God needs to expand. If I truly trust Him, if I truly believe that I am in His hands, I will be fine. He knows the number of my days. He knows the numbers of hairs on my head.

So, as I sit here, waiting to land in less than one hour, I keep singing to myself, “My Life is In Your Hands.”

Test #2 is my connector flight. And, I get to start all over again.

********************************************************

Two days later, I am happy to say… both flights were fine. Just like everyone said they would be.

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