The Millennial Homemaker

The musings of a Stay at Home Mom

The Worthy Fight

image

About three weeks before the new year I began to get nervous. I was concerned about the future. I didn’t want to face something. That something?

2016.

As a worrier by default, I am not eternally optimistic about most things. I am a realist, yet I want to be an idealist. I want to have things like hope or courage. Yet, these past few years have beaten my emotions to a pulp.

Good News!

As I woke up to January 1, 2016, the sky wasn’t falling like I had worried. The earth was still revolving. The sun was still shining. My kids were still smiling. And I was still breathing.

The past few days I have been pulling myself up by my bootstraps, so to speak. I have been putting on my mental boxing gloves, and I am gearing up for a fight.

The Worthy Fight

It’s hard to think of any fight as something worthy. So, what is so worthy that requires fighting?

FIGHT for your HEALTH

FIGHT for your MARRIAGE

FIGHT for your FAITH

FIGHT for your CHILDREN

FIGHT for your FREEDOM

FIGHT for your LIFE

I am determined to make 2016 my year to FIGHT! Fight for all of the above. This blog post is my personal reminder to keep on swimming, keep on moving forward, keep on keeping on…. especially on the bad days. Because, there will be bad days. But, there is still HOPE.

I absolutely love the song by Rachel Platten called Fight Song.

Here are a few lyrics (I hope that’s OK, Rachel):

This is my fight song

Take back my life song

Prove I’m all right song

…. ’cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

Thank you, Rachel, so much for these words. They are my mantra for 2016.

AMEN.

Advertisements
Leave a comment »

Reflections from the Sky

image

Today was the day. We had bought the tickets over two months ago. The clock was ticking down. The bags were packed and in the car.

It has been beautiful weather in Phoenix for the past week or so. 70 something degrees and absolutely glorious. My family and I have braved through 18 summers in the desert of Arizona so we can enjoy the blissful 6-7 months of glorious.

Even in the midst of bliss, change must be in order from time to time.

We need to appreciate what we have.

So, here I sit, on a plane from Phoenix to Dallas, and eventually will be on a flight from Dallas to Charlotte. Our family is embarking on a family vacation (and mini business trip).

It’s our first “big” vacation since March 2013. On our last trip my mom went with us. Now, she is no longer here. She is in heaven flying around with all of the other angels, gabbing and singing. I’m sure of it. She longed for heaven.

I am six or seven miles closer to her right now, but every bone in my body longs to see her. I know she is looking out for us. We are going somewhere that has more family and friends.

We long to love, and to be loved.

We need our emotional tanks recharged.

2015 has been quite the year for my family. From a marriage crisis in January, to losing our Papa to cancer in March, to learning about more friends and family who are suffering physically and emotionally this past summer, it’s easy to bury my head in the sand and wish for another life.

Truth is, 95% of this life is peaceful. It’s that 5% that has rocked my world, through unforeseen events such as deaths, health issues, spiritual challenges, and just wear and tear on the body.

Last year when I was experiencing panic attacks and horrible anxiety I never thought I would get to a place of healing. Honestly, I thought I was destined for a lifelong trauma of emotional and mental illness.

Through many months of struggle, which included medications, counseling, prayer, self help books and more prayer, I noticed that I could emotionally breathe again. At least I could breathe on most days.

So, this flight today is a test. It’s a test to know that I can overcome anxiety. Through the grace of God (and some help with a beta blocker and anti-anxiety pill) I am staying in my seat. I am listening to my Calm.com app. There’s nothing like the loud rush of water blasting through two ear buds to keep my mind in the present moment.

I know there will be more tests in the future. The key to finding peace in the storm is to face that storm. Head for the eye of the storm and then rise above it. It’s not easy to face the challenges.

Silly me. Waiting at the gate I shed a tear and feel sweaty and display cold hands over something that I cannot control.

I keep telling myself that I am not in control. Not at all. Everything I do. Everywhere I go. Everybody I meet. Everything I eat.

I DO NOT HAVE CONTROL OVER THESE THINGS.

Yet, I know that my faith in God needs to expand. If I truly trust Him, if I truly believe that I am in His hands, I will be fine. He knows the number of my days. He knows the numbers of hairs on my head.

So, as I sit here, waiting to land in less than one hour, I keep singing to myself, “My Life is In Your Hands.”

Test #2 is my connector flight. And, I get to start all over again.

********************************************************

Two days later, I am happy to say… both flights were fine. Just like everyone said they would be.

Leave a comment »

Finding my WHY

It seems that anyone who wants to be successful in his/her career, family, health, or spiritual journey must first ask the question: What is my WHY?

I have been pondering this question for several days now (if not, for several years). This persistent question keeps coming up, and I can’t seem to dodge it until I have temporarily satisfied my soul’s longing for the answer.

But, something amazing happened last night when I was pondering that question. I realized that my WHY doesn’t have to remain the same. It can change over time! As I accomplish a goal, I can determine a new WHY. Some of my WHYs are permanent, such as “I’m doing this for my kids.” But, some of my WHYs are temporary. These temporary answers can change as I do.

Discovering what you want to be or who you are is one of the most sought after ponderings in the universe. You may ask simple questions to yourself (Where would I like to be in 12 months?), or you may ask the most complex questions that never really have any black or white answers. I tend to toss and turn at night over some of these gray questions/answers. So, how do I find a balance in all of this questioning?

  1. I have to acknowledge that I do not know all the answers in this life, and that I need to LET GO of the false sense of control that I seem to have.
  2. I have to show gentleness and grace to myself, as I tend to get a little too hard on myself for not solving the problem/question right away.
  3. I have to walk away and leave it for another day, when my strength just doesn’t seem to be there.

As I look back through my journaling this past year, I know that a lot of mid-life moms must go through this period of questioning, seeking, and pursuing. We are at a point of the mountain peak, where we have journeyed for half of our lives to reach this pinnacle. But, when we look around and see where we’ve been, and then look ahead to see where we are going, we get lost in the fog. The beautiful clouds that seem so enamoring from the ground are now surrounding us at this mountain peak. It was supposed to be clear at the peak. We should know how to solve it all, handle it all, and understand it all.

So as begin the descent down to the ground of the latter half of my life, I want to have that kind of peace that surrounds me, even with the clouds. I want to know that my WHYs are not in vain, and that they have purpose for my purpose.

I hope that you’ll take the time to review your WHYs this week. Enjoy the thoughts, but don’t muddle too long on the unknown. Try and take the time to write them down, and just be content with where you are… at this moment.

For one day, these WHYs will become the mosaic of your legacy.

Leave a comment »

Lessons from the Boot

Almost six months have passed (gasp!), and I finally have the time/feeling/sense of urgency to write.

As of last Wednesday, I am temporarily immobile.  You see, I broke my ankle. boot

I am a middle-aged mama who broke her first bone. Ever.

Yes, it hurts. I thought a sprained ankle or a swollen knee hurts a lot. Nope. There’s not much to compare to a broken bone. Well, unless it’s a kidney stone. Then, that hurts worse than child birth. Oh wait, I’m digressing…

So, as I sit here, day after day, waiting for my avulsion fracture to heal, I have a lot of time to think. And, I am learning something from this dreadful boot upon which I re-learn to walk again.

1. REST is a four-letter word.

Sure, I love the occasional nap and a good night’s sleep, but continual rest day after day? It’s been emotionally painful to bear. I have actually viewed it as a new curse word, so to speak.  I am a busy, go-go-go mama, and the last thing I need or want to do is rest. Yet, here I am, on my bum, making the most of my time.

I want to be productive. I want to say, hey look what I can do! Ah, crap… there goes that prideful thinking again. I like a nice pat on the back as much as the next person does, but for some reason my EGO thinks that being busy equals being productive.

I am learning that RESTing is more important than BUSYing. If you get a chance to sit, be quiet and listen, you’ll start to “see” and “hear” the rest of the world around you. I am more conscious of my children’s conversations. I am more aware of time. I am more in awe of nature and its beauty. I am more close to my God.

2. It’s okay to be the passenger.

Taking a break from driving has been also hard on me. I don’t get to be in control at the wheel, and sometimes the journey is not as fun. I have to build trust in my driver (usually, it’s my husband). I have to keep my mouth shut, my tongue bit, and a smile on my face. Don’t get me wrong. He’s a great driver. He knows where HE is going. I just don’t like the fact that I am Miss Daisy for the next five or six weeks.

But, the good part about being a passenger is that I get a break. I don’t have to concentrate on the road if I don’t want to do so. I can relax while I get to my destination. I don’t have to walk. And, it’s air-conditioned (thank goodness) so the natural elements of an Arizona summer aren’t bugging me (no pun intended).

Again, this little lesson is about SLOWING DOWN and taking a breather. I keep forgetting that LIFE is not a marathon race. Well, it’s a marathon, but it doesn’t have to be a race.

3. Kisses from strangers.

Yes, I received a kiss from a stranger for wearing my boot. I was sitting in church this past Sunday, and of course I chose an aisle seat so I could have extra leg room for my boot. As we were sitting and praying during the quiet part of the service, this older gentleman, an usher, came up to me and whispered, “Would you like to race?” I looked at him blankly and replied, “Why yes, that would be nice!” He laughed, and instead of giving me a hand shake or a side hug, he bent down and kissed me on the forehead. I was a little shocked, but my husband was appalled!

Who did this guy think he was to kiss me? For me, I smiled and felt so warm and snugly inside. It was as if my own earthly daddy had kissed me. I think he was an angel, sent by God, to tell me that everything is going to be okay.

So, of course, a person with a walking boot may get unwarranted attention. Take that, prideful EGO!

More to come…

I am sure there will be more lessons to learn from all of this mess called a broken ankle. I know it could have been much worse, as I fell from from the bottom of the stairs (versus the dangerous top of the stairs).

Until then, carry on. Walk well. Slow down. Enjoy a snail’s pace every now and then.

Leave a comment »

Living in Abundance

One of my favorite devotionals is Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. As I read today’s entry, the word abundance is clearly the theme.

Do you live a life with abundance? It depends on how you define abundance.

When I view abundance, I envision a life full of surplus. Having material possessions: such as a full pantry of food, a full closet of clothes and shoes, the latest gadgets and techno gizmos, and all of the modern conveniences like washing machines, fancy cars, and swimming pools.

Again, my question is now personal: Do I live with abundance? In terms of the above, yes, I do.

But, spiritual abundance is much different than earthly abundance. I would rather have the fullness of God’s abundance in my life. I can live without excess clothes, shoes, technology, and even a car or swimming pool.

A lot of people in poor countries do not have what we have. And, they are happy. Truly happy.

That’s what I would like to attain as a child of God, a follower of Christ, a pursuer of righteous living.

True happiness.

It doesn’t come from owning a myriad of things. True happiness is a result of contentment… of wanting very little.

“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”

Just knowing I am loved, I am special, and I am complete… because God is in the center of it all.

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord.”

I actually like purging.  Empty the closets, the garage, and my mind of the excess.  All these things that we hold on to become rubble in time.

“It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

Open your hands. Palms down. Release. Palms up. Receive.

“He who asks in faith must believe and not doubt.”

How are you living an abundant life?

Leave a comment »

%d bloggers like this: